Wednesday, October 26, 2011


So the other day at my internship I was surfing the web (I'm a social media intern, so it's a legitimate use of time. Don't judge) and I came across this gem. Read it and then tell me you didn't laugh and or nod your head in agreement.

I decided to compile my own list of worst halloween "treats" ever. I mean EVER.

Halloween has its own set of rights. You only get this much candy for free one day out of the year. Those are statistics not to be taken lightly.

I'm sure we can all relate to Fez here. And just ignore the obscenity at the very end.

I have fond memories of my trick or treating days. And my neighborhood knew what was up when it came to trick or treating. They didn't skimp on treat giving. For the mostpart. Here are the top 5 worst Halloween treats that unfortunately, I've fallen victim to.

5. Peanut Butter salt water Taffy

Could you think of a worse flavor for salt water taffy? Besides maybe grass clippings? What are we, contestants on fear factor? Gross. My family used to take trips to Myrtle Beach where there are salt water taffy stores on every corner. We know salt water taffy. This is a disgrace to the entire salt water taffy corporation. Not to mention they're tough enough to rip a tooth or several out.

4. Caramels with white nougat in the middle

I don't even know what these are called, that's how gross they are. Even Google is ashamed of them. I couldn't find a picture of the right thing until I searched "individual caramels with white crap in the middle". It's true, you can even check my browsing history if you want.

Dry stale caramels with even more dry chalky "nougat" in the middle? Thanks, but no thanks.

3. Apples

Now don't get me wrong. I love me a nice crunchy apple. But on Halloween? The one day where it's OK to eat enough candy until you puke? Like I'm going to waste my time on an APPLE.

To quote Strongbad,

"What are you? Some kind of a dentist? Some kind of a hippie? Some kind of hippie dentist?"

I couldn't have said it better myself Strongbad.

Not to mention it typically caused your parents to go into a whirlwind of nervousness. The next time you go on a bike ride you'll hear them screaming in the distance "Stay away from that one house! You know the one that gave out APPLES for Halloween?"

Because odds are they either poisoned them or slipped razors into them.

2. Pretzels

These bad boys fall into the same category as apples. Delicious any day of the year except Halloween. Not to mention we already have a barrel of them in the pantry and they're packed in my lunch every single day.

Last and certainly LEAST

1. Wax vampire teeth

Can anybody say Halloween's worst idea EVER? These aren't even edible. And as far as I'm concerned...they're just taking up valuable space in your pillowcase that could be filled by more desirable candy.

So there you have it. My worst top 5 Halloween treats.
What are yours?


  1. Pennies? Who does that? I've never encountered or even heard of anyone giving out pennies. How about pencils -- or toothbrushes?

  2. Haha, yeah. Toothbrushes and pencils are pretty L-A-M-E. I debated them. Maybe I'll have to do an update later and make it a top 10. And when I read that other blog I almost lost it. Five pennies taped together?! A WHOLE nickel? Woah. Big spender.

  3. I HATE those peanut butter taffies.

  4. Spot on, and I love that you quoted Strong Bad. I hate Smarties and anything sweet tart-ish.

  5. where did you quote strong bad?

  6. Where I said "To quote Strong Bad..."
    Remember that game you can play with him and you pick what to give him for trick or treating? That's his response when you click on the apple.


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